THE THING IS…
A sketch in 1 short, very short act.
Bare stage.
2 characters: Mr Thing and Mrs No-Thing
They come from opposite sides onto the stage…and meet
Mr Thing
Oh…here you are. How nice to see you. What’s new?
Mrs No-Thing
Nothing. What about you?
Mr Thing
I bought a thing…for nothing!
Mrs No-Thing
You bought a thing? For nothing?
How ravishing!
But then it changes everything…
Nothing can be something!
What is it?
Mr Thing
Oh…just a thing…you know… A thing to go with my other things.
Mrs No-Thing
No. I do not know. Tell me.
I love your things.
What does it do?
Does it wash?
Mr Thing
Yes it washes.
Mrs No-Thing
Everything?
Mr Thing
Yes. Everything. Colors, whites, blacks.
It also mows the lawn, plays music, grills, broils and bakes. Ties my shoes, makes my bed, runs my bath, clip my nails…
Mrs No-Thing
What a wonderful thing to have!
Mr Thing
Oh yes. You have no idea. This thing has changed my life.
Mrs No-Thing
How often do you “thing” it?
Mr Thing
Everyday. It keeps me very busy.
Mrs No-Thing
Yes. I can imagine.
It must be tiring too.
Mr Thing
I am exhausted. I cannot think anymore,
I have to “thing” all the time.
Mrs No-Thing
How terrible. Can’t you stop “thinging”? For a while at least?
Mr Thing
I would if I could. This is the thing with things, they tend to be somewhat
THINGVASIVE!
Mrs No-Thing
But tell me. How many things do you have now?
Mr Thing
I do not know exactly. Hundreds, thousands…maybe more…
Mrs No-Thing
What a curious thing…this “thinging” of yours.
Do you have any time for any “thing” else?
Mr Thing
No, not really.
But I am happy, very happy…
I do not have the time to think.
Mrs No-Thing
Ah…I understand…The thing not to think…
Mr Thing
And what about you? Do you “thing” too?
Mrs No-Thing
Well…it depends on what thing…
But usually, I don’t…
You see, I believe in Nothing,
Mr Thing
Ah…I see…You are one of those…How restful…
Mrs No-Thing
Oh no… Don’t you think that?
Oh, but I forgot, you cannot think.
No no no, it is not restful.
Everything is so empty…
I have to think all the time.
I am what I think… You see….?
Mr Thing
I see…This is a pretty big thing,
to be what you think.
I never thought of that.
So…What are you going to do today? Anything in particular….
Mrs No-Thing
Let me think…
THE END