THE THING IS…

 

A sketch in 1 short, very short act.

 

 

Bare stage.

2 characters: Mr Thing and Mrs No-Thing

They come from opposite sides onto the stage…and meet

 

 

Mr Thing

Oh…here you are. How nice to see you. What’s new?

 

Mrs No-Thing

Nothing. What about you?

 

Mr Thing

I bought a thing…for nothing!

 

 

Mrs No-Thing

You bought a thing? For nothing?

How ravishing!

But then it changes everything…

Nothing can be something!

What is it?

 

Mr Thing

Oh…just a thing…you know… A thing to go with my other things.

 

Mrs No-Thing

No. I do not know. Tell me.

I love your things.

What does it do?

Does it wash?

 

Mr Thing

Yes it washes.

 

Mrs No-Thing

Everything?

 

Mr Thing

Yes. Everything. Colors, whites, blacks.

It also mows the lawn, plays music, grills, broils and bakes. Ties my shoes, makes my bed, runs my bath, clip my nails…

 

Mrs No-Thing

What a wonderful thing to have!

 

Mr Thing

Oh yes. You have no idea. This thing has changed my life.

 

Mrs No-Thing

How often do you “thing” it?

 

Mr Thing

Everyday. It keeps me very busy.

 

Mrs No-Thing

Yes. I can imagine.

It must be tiring too.

 

Mr Thing

I am exhausted. I cannot think anymore,

I have to “thing” all the time.

 

Mrs No-Thing

How terrible. Can’t you stop “thinging”? For a while at least?

 

Mr Thing

I would if I could. This is the thing with things, they tend to be somewhat

THINGVASIVE!

 

Mrs No-Thing

But tell me. How many things do you have now?

 

 

Mr Thing

I do not know exactly. Hundreds, thousands…maybe more…

 

 

Mrs No-Thing

What a curious thing…this “thinging” of yours.

Do you have any time for any “thing” else?

 

Mr Thing

No, not really.

But I am happy, very happy…

I do not have the time to think.

 

Mrs No-Thing

Ah…I understand…The thing not to think…

 

Mr Thing

And what about you? Do you “thing” too?

 

Mrs No-Thing

Well…it depends on what thing…

But usually, I don’t…

You see, I believe in Nothing,

Mr Thing

Ah…I see…You are one of those…How restful…

 

Mrs No-Thing

Oh no… Don’t you think that?

Oh, but I forgot, you cannot think.

No no no, it is not restful.

Everything is so empty…

I have to think all the time.

I am what I think… You see….?

 

Mr Thing

I see…This is a pretty big thing,

to be what you think.

I never thought of that.

So…What are you going to do today? Anything in particular….

 

Mrs No-Thing

Let me think…

 

THE END