CORONA SHMORONA
A Dada sketch in 3 scenes
On the Coronavirus
lots of add lib
and the actors can move as they wish
but must be crazy
(I will direct it)
2 CHARACTERS
C: for Codiv 19
A human being dressed up with a head gear looking like the virus
A crown of spikes and a ring of fat inside
M: for Me
FIRST SCENE
M: Coro…Coron…CoronATCHUM!
C: Bless you!
M: Virus Shmirus!
C: How dare you? I am not a Shmirus
M: You bet?
C: Yop.! I am here to kill you…you know…
M: Catch me if you can, ah!
C: Where are you?
M: Aha…Where am I? Can’t you see me?
C: I can see everything and everywhere
But you? With your stupid smile on
M: My stupid smile is my cloaking device
Anyhoo, I cannot see you either
C: what kind of game is that?
M: It’s called HIDE AND SEEK
C: Hide and Seek? I do not like
M: Oh yes you do!
And you know what?
C: No. What?
M: IDGAS
C: IDGAS? What’s that?
M: and you thought you knew everything…
IDGAS
I= I
D= Don’t
G: Give
A: A
S: Shit
IDGAS: I don’t give a shit!
C: Good, no need for toilet paper
M: Not funny
SECOND SCENE
C: Nuh…? I am near you
I am touching you
Your nose, your eyes, your mouth, your hands, your…
M: You need to go to the barbershop
C: What’s wrong with my hair?
M: you are full of spikes
Truly despikable
Cut it all! I am the Queen of Hearts
Off with your head!
C: You cannot do that
It’s MY head
It’s ME
M: Nope. I am ME
Me is not YOU
Me is ME
And look at you with this sticky ring of fat inside of you
That has to go too
C: Do not touch my ring of fat
Very precious
It’s my adherence purpose
M: Adherence purpose?
I’ll give you a purpose
And which party to you adhere to anyways?
C: No party
Rich and poor
Tall and short
Old and young
I…
M: You “I” NOTHING
You bore me
And I am leaving
C: Where are you going?
I have to kill you
I need you to fulfill my destiny
M: Try Again!
THIRD SCENE
C: OK. Here I am
Ready for the assault
M: (silence)
C: Aren’t you afraid of me?
M: (silence)
C: Puta madre
I hate indifference
Aren’t you afraid of dying
Everybody is afraid of dying
M: I am not everybody
And death?
Nope, I am not afraid
An old friend
C: You’re really weird
M: Yop! Weird and Wonderful!
C: Wonderful? Not so sure
Hey? What do you have in your hands?
M: Soap and alcohol
C: Ah Ah Ah Ah
You make me laugh
M: AH! That’s the point
I am going to laugh you to death
C: (starting to self-erase)
Hey! Stop it!
Don’t laugh
Can’t you see what you are doing to me?
M: Oh Yes I do
I see very well indeed
And I am laughing you out, kaput, ziltz
C: (still self erasing)
But…You can’t…I am disappearing…
(into a puddle)
M: Ah AH AH Ah Ah Ah Aaaaah Ah HA
Virus Shmirus
You did not recognize me
Great mistake
I am ISAAC
ITZAK
THE ONE WHO LAUGHS
IN FACE OF DESTINY
C: (lying on the floor, total deliquescence)
Gurgling out the last breath
M: (facing the audience)
Hum…
What’s next?