CORONA SHMORONA

A Dada sketch in 3 scenes

On the Coronavirus

lots of add lib

and the actors can move as they wish

but must be crazy

(I will direct it)

 

 

 

2 CHARACTERS

 

C: for Codiv 19

A human being dressed up with a head gear looking like the virus

A crown of spikes and a ring of fat inside

 

 

M: for Me

 

 

FIRST SCENE

 

 

M: Coro…Coron…CoronATCHUM!

 

C: Bless you!

 

M: Virus Shmirus!

 

C: How dare you? I am not a Shmirus

 

M: You bet?

 

C: Yop.! I am here to kill you…you know…

 

M: Catch me if you can, ah!

 

C: Where are you?

 

M: Aha…Where am I? Can’t you see me?

 

C: I can see everything and everywhere

But you? With your stupid smile on

 

M: My stupid smile is my cloaking device

Anyhoo, I cannot see you either

 

C: what kind of game is that?

 

M: It’s called HIDE AND SEEK

 

C: Hide and Seek? I do not like

 

M: Oh yes you do!

And you know what?

 

C: No. What?

 

M: IDGAS

 

C: IDGAS? What’s that?

 

 

M: and you thought you knew everything…

 

IDGAS

 

I= I

D= Don’t

G: Give

A: A

S: Shit

 

IDGAS: I don’t give a shit!

 

 

 

C: Good, no need for toilet paper

 

M: Not funny

 

 

 

SECOND SCENE

 

C: Nuh…? I am near you

I am touching you

Your nose, your eyes, your mouth, your hands, your…

 

M: You need to go to the barbershop

 

C: What’s wrong with my hair?

 

M: you are full of spikes

Truly despikable

 

Cut it all! I am the Queen of Hearts

Off with your head!

 

C: You cannot do that

It’s MY head

It’s ME

 

M: Nope. I am ME

Me is not YOU

Me is ME

 

And look at you with this sticky ring of fat inside of you

That has to go too

 

C: Do not touch my ring of fat

Very precious

It’s my adherence purpose

 

M: Adherence purpose?

I’ll give you a purpose

And which party to you adhere to anyways?

 

C: No party

Rich and poor

Tall and short

Old and young

I…

 

M: You “I” NOTHING

You bore me

And I am leaving

 

 

C: Where are you going?

I have to kill you

I need you to fulfill my destiny

 

M: Try Again!

  

 

 

THIRD SCENE

 

C: OK. Here I am

Ready for the assault

 

M: (silence)

 

C: Aren’t you afraid of me?

 

M: (silence)

 

C: Puta madre

I hate indifference

Aren’t you afraid of dying

Everybody is afraid of dying

M: I am not everybody

And death?

Nope, I am not afraid

An old friend

 

C: You’re really weird

 

M: Yop! Weird and Wonderful!

 

C: Wonderful? Not so sure

Hey? What do you have in your hands?

 

M: Soap and alcohol

 

C: Ah Ah Ah Ah

You make me laugh

 

M: AH! That’s the point

I am going to laugh you to death

 

C: (starting to self-erase)

Hey! Stop it!

Don’t laugh

Can’t you see what you are doing to me?

 

M: Oh Yes I do

I see very well indeed

And I am laughing you out, kaput, ziltz

 

C: (still self erasing)

But…You can’t…I am disappearing…

(into a puddle)

 

M: Ah AH AH Ah Ah Ah Aaaaah Ah HA

Virus Shmirus

 

You did not recognize me

Great mistake

 

I am ISAAC

ITZAK

THE ONE WHO LAUGHS

IN FACE OF DESTINY

 

 

C: (lying on the floor, total deliquescence)

Gurgling out the last breath

 

 

M: (facing the audience)

Hum…

What’s next?